shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
