Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
