Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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