Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
