I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
