I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
