umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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