I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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