How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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