Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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