I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
