phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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