I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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