Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
