porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I touched a dick in church today
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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