I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
