That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
