you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
