I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
