cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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