Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
