I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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