Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
