Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
