i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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