If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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