i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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