she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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