dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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