My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
