Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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