**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
