The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
