he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize