I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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