Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
