Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
vagina is talking i cant
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this will be a night to untag.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
