my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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