I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
where does the pee come out of this thing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
