i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
