I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
