Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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