Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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