we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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