This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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