Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
