Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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