so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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