I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
