who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize