once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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