I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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