that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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