When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
