apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
