I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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