I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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