I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
