my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
